they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
