i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
