Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
