Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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