I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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