I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
