I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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