My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
