I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
