So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
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