I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
