I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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