she was so not down for the gang bang
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize