Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
