Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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