you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
