hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
