How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
