If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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