i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
