The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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