I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
