well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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