We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
