no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
