i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
