He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
