No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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