I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
