I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
