did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
