That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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