That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
