i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
