I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
