I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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