Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
