Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize