he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
