he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
