I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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