I am puke
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
