I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
