Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
