I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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