so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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