I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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