i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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