my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize