I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
