she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
