Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Ketchup is God's man juice
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
cat food counts as protein by the way
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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