i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize