tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
