all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
