I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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