I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
