I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
