I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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