Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
