my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
