Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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