don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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