i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He shit in the fireplace
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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