I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize