She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Randomize
