at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
