Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
