Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize