shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
