Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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