he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
