He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
