some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
