i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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