I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
