Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I AM VODKA MAN
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
