i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
