Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
