just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
