I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
