She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
